After trying every diet possible, both removing and adding foods, and after trying every supplement known to man, my symptoms gradually worsened. I once asked my ‘gastro doc’ if he knew anything about a yeast infection we can get in our digestive system called Candida. I told him I’d found it in a diet book and that I’d found several references to it online. He said, “I don’t believe in that.”

The last medication he tried on me gave me unbelievably bad indigestion. It almost helped me to ‘go’! Instead, it caused everything inside me to move around just enough to hit nerve endings which shot pain down my lower back and legs. It was so bad one morning that I could barely walk. I woke because of the pain at 4 am and fell out of bed when I put my weight on my legs. I didn’t expect the pain to be that bad. I told my gastro doc all about it. He said, “That’s not normal. I’ve never heard of that medication doing that. You’re weird.”

I think that was an official diagnosis.

I have been going to a Naturopathic doctor for the last few years as well. I like her much better, even though many of the things I’ve tried with her haven’t worked either. Psyllium fibre, some awful prune, cornmeal and date breakfast, halibut oil, flax seed, probiotics, digestive enzymes... I’m sure if I go through my pill baskets I’d find 30 or more bottle of things tried and failed. Some seem to work for a week or two, but nothing has lasted any longer. In the end (pardon the pun) I have no choice to resort to enemas and sodium phosphates, my explosives or anything that my intestines aren’t supposed to become addicted to.

My gastro doc once put me on sodium phosphates for three months. He said, “Your bowels need a little vacation. They’ll start working in their own after this.” Anyone who has ever had a colonoscopy knows what this stuff is. It turns everything in your belly to liquid. First, you swell up like a balloon and then the faucet goes on. My husband gave me a new nickname during this period: “squirt”!

My belly didn’t start to work after that. Apparently they either didn’t receive a long enough vacation or simply never had any intention of doing their job. It’s kind of like having a difficult employee. You know you can’t fire them and you can’t replace them either.

I’ve begun to believe that my stomach has a mind of it’s own. It’s on it’s own schedule. It’s incredibly lazy and it’s a pack rat. It wants to keep everything it comes into contact with. It’s grumpy and it’s ornery. It has some serious issues. It not only has a mind of it’s own, it’s neurotic!

That’s why I was so amazed to hear on the news one evening that scientists had discovered that our stomachs have grey matter - the same kind of tissue we have in our heads. I looked it up. It’s true. In fact, 95% of the serotonin in our bodies is in our intestines. Nerve cells in our tummies use serotonin to signal information to the brain about digestion, like pain, gas, comfort and terrible ‘gut’ feelings from anxiety. Our bellies work in tandem with our brains, but they also work in isolation.

My mother attributed my I.B.S. complaints with stress. I think she also thought I was a hypochondriac, just like some of the old medical texts would have me diagnosed. Well, for once, I can say to my Mom, “You were right, sort of.” Apparently we all have two ‘brains’.

Before I came to the conclusion that my bowels had a mind of their own, I thought I had alien DNA. (it’s possible!) I looked up foods and herbs that increased serotonin levels in the body. Bananas, cheese, beer (alcohol), and sugar and carbs have been known to make me ‘go’. No -  prunes, coffee and all the rest of the normal stuff never worked. This has led me to self diagnose myself  as N.B.S. - Neurotic Bowel Syndrome.

I’m going to my doctor to ask him if he’ll send me for a blood test to measure my serontonin levels. I may have too little or too much of the stuff. I may have to go on some ‘happy pills!

I should ask my gastro doc what he thinks. I wonder what he’ll say?

Linda Laforge is a contemporary celtic artist and creative writer. To see her portfolio and to read more visit her at: http://www.LindaLaforge.com

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